I can't do it anymore

I can't pull off my fake face of happiness. I don't know I just feel like crawling in the bed and not coming out ever. I had a horrible thought last night. I feel so damn emotional and distant from the world. It's causing problems at home and in school. I've been so damn down that I didn't even notice something major that I've been pushing my love on. :( I feel like I want to cry and beat someone all at once. Ugh I hate this shit, I'm on fucking meds, I shouldn't be feeling down and what not. I wish I could just explain it all but I can't. I can hardly understand it my damn self. I just fucking it all and hate myself at the moment.